From: Nat Friedman <nat@nat.org>
Subject: [B-R] A missive on the sartorial dangers of modern fashion.
To: boston-raves@ravedata.com
Date: 27 Jul 2000 06:23:08 -0400


Fellow Ravers,

An issue has recently come to the forefront of our culture which I
would like to discuss, if you can spare a moment of your synthetically
inebriated lives to consider the thoughts of another rave-goer.  That
issue is: excessively baggy pants.

Rave boys and rave girls, these pants are an embarrassment to us and
everything we stand for (phat beats and plur).  They are not only
aesthetically displeasing, they decry of ill-made decisions and
mistakes yet to come.  Not to mention the risk of bodily harm a
rave-person takes on!  I need not speak of the hazards of passing
through revolving doors with superfluously large slacks trailing
behind, catching, face slamming to glass, blood, screams.. funeral
ill-attended by large-slacked and slack-jawed mourners... a monstrous
scene.

And then there is the mountainous cost of the cloth which goes into
these tremendous trousers.  Bolt upon bolt of denim, meticulously cut
and sewn by sore-fingered bleary-eyed eight-year-old Malaysians, who
themselves are clad in the most meager hodge-podge garments, hewn
together from whatever refuse happened to catch in the drainage tracts
that week, yearning for something more substantial.  An entire
Malaysian orphanage could be clothed using the material from just one
raver pant leg (numerous pockets and zippers included).

And yet we, the children of electronica -- the harbingers of a new
generation of music, culture and thought! -- we continue with this
life of undeserved pantaloonial excess.  Hazardous and humiliating
slackitude, all paid for by daddy's platinum card.  Why, Levi Strauss
would turn in his grave if he knew that modern dungarees bore a more
striking resemblance to the ship's sails from whence the fabric which
powered his empire was originally taken than to the garments that
launched his career.

Webster's dictionary defines "pant" as:

    pant, n., 1. an outer garment covering each leg separately and
    usually extending from the waist to the ankle -- usually used in
    plural 2. plural, chiefly British: men's underpants 3. plural:
    PANTIE 4. with one's pants down: in an embarrassing position (as
    of being unprepared to act).

People of the rave, I ask you not to get caught with *your* pants
down.  Save us all the mortification of these unnecessarily baggy
leggings, save yourselves from their dangers, and let's all save our
money for the pacifiers, glow sticks and bottled water by which we
define ourselves and our place in the universe.

Ecstatically yours,
Nat Friedman aka "Lieutenant Flibbity Gibbits"

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